The Confidence Code By Claire Shipman And Katty Kay Summary

 

The Confidence Code By Claire Shipman And Katty Kay Summary

Friends, sometimes we notice that some people in life appear confident despite average knowledge, while others who are truly talented feel shy when speaking. This difference can be confusing. We've heard since childhood that successful people are confident. But Katie and Clary Shipman, authors of The Confidence Code, say that success isn't a result of confidence. Confidence comes first, success comes later. This is a slight reversal.

But this reversal completely changes our life decisions. So friends, today we'll explore the complete journey of The Confidence Code in this audiobook. The main point of this book is that confidence isn't a talent or a free bonus. Confidence isn't a gift of personality, and confidence isn't an adornment of attitude. Confidence is permission to take action—the permission we give ourselves.

And one thing comes up repeatedly in this book—we all have potential, we all have ability. But we fail to activate it because we want to feel perfect first. We think that when we're absolutely sure, we'll take the next step. But that perfect feeling never comes. Confidence isn't built by feeling, it's built by taking steps. Feeling comes after steps. First, you have to take a step, then trust is built, then belief is built, then confidence develops automatically.

The authors specifically point out that this problem is more common in girls. They are taught perfection, while boys are taught to be bold. But they make it clear that confidence isn't a matter of gender. Confidence is a brain skill, and brain skills are developed through practice. And that's what we'll learn in this audiobook. Confidence isn't a myth; there's no formula for confidence. We'll learn confidence step-by-step through a simple daily practice—without drama, without tantrums, and without masks.

The goal of this entire journey is to stop thinking of confidence as luck. We should think of confidence as a simple habit and then build it—peacefully, slowly, and consciously.

Part Number One—Confidence is built by taking action, not by waiting.

In simple terms—confidence is built just like learning to swim. You can watch videos, read theory, and listen to others' techniques—but until you get in the water, you don't develop confidence in your strokes. The same logic applies to confidence. Confidence isn't built without action.

The most dangerous misunderstanding of confidence is that people wait until they feel confident and then try. But the truth is, confidence is felt only when we've already tried. Like when learning to ride a bicycle—we're not sure, we fall, we're afraid, we stumble, but the ride only comes when we start trying. No one learns cycling with perfect feeling—that feeling comes after action.

The seed of confidence begins with a small, uncomfortable step. We all want clarity, we want all the data to be confirmed, doubt to be zero. But perfect clarity is never achieved in life. A little doubt always lingers. Confident people are not without doubt—they just move with doubt.

Part Two—Overthinking Destroys Confidence

When we overthink a situation, the more confused we become. We think clarity will come from thinking, but clarity doesn't come from excessive thinking—clarity comes after small decisions. Overthinking is a silent confidence killer.

Overthinking signals to the brain—"This is too big, too risky, too dangerous." And the brain pushes us into a safe zone—meaning silence, no decisions, no steps. Then the brain sends a second signal—"You probably weren't capable." And this feeling gets stored in confidence memory.

Overthinking also happens because we want perfect results. We think that when we have the perfect words, we'll speak; when we have the perfect plan, we'll try; when we have the perfect answer, we'll raise our hand. But perfect results are never guaranteed. Results always come from experimentation.

We often assume confident people are absolutely sure, but even they aren't. They simply take action instead of getting stuck in overthinking.

Part Three—Confidence is Undermined by Comparison and Increased by Growth

Comparison is the biggest source of damage to confidence. As soon as we make someone else our reference point, we outsource our value. And when value becomes external, confidence ceases to be internal.

An example: You walk into a room and feel fine. But the moment you assign someone a higher rank, your body language changes—shoulders down, voice low, mind in self-doubt mode. You're insecure not about the real world, but about the hierarchy you've created in your mind.

The comparison trap is more prevalent among women because they are taught approval-based values ​​from childhood, while boys are taught to "take the shot." But this trap is universal—both boys and girls fall into it. Social media, highlights, and flex culture make us feel small. We forget that growth is personal, while comparison is public.

The formula for breaking comparisons—a daily small personal benchmark. A little better than yesterday. This growth builds confidence.

Part Four—Confidence is linked to the brain's wiring.

Doubt is a natural phenomenon. Confidence isn't an attitude stunt. Confidence is built within the brain's circuits. The brain prioritizes threats. Upon taking a new step, the brain believes we're stepping outside of safe territory and creates doubt. This isn't weakness—it's a natural defense mechanism.

Confidence isn't built by eliminating doubt—it's built by taking steps with doubt.

Part Five—Confidence isn't built by perfection, but by imperfect action.

Many people fall into the perfection trap. They believe they won't start until they're perfect. This trap is the biggest roadblock to confidence development. The perfect standard becomes so high that even thinking leads to doubt, then delay, then, "I'm not ready."

An imperfect attempt—even a messy, shaky one—stores a new belief in the brain: "I can take the step." This belief builds confidence.

Confidence is the result of imperfect attempts—not perfection.

Part Number Six—Confidence grows from internal acceptance of oneself.

Confidence is not just a result of external performance—it is the result of inner acceptance. When we reject ourselves, our brain creates negative assumptions. Internal dialogue creates our beliefs.

If you think before a meeting—“Maybe I will sound stupid”—the brain switches to safe mode. No action → no confidence.

If you say—“I am not perfect, but I can share”—the brain switches to support mode. Small attempts build future confidence.

Part Number Seven—Confidence is strengthened by the habit of decision-making.

When we make small decisions ourselves, the brain receives a signal—“We are capable.” But when we seek approval in every choice, our brain puts us in dependent mode.

Bad decisions don't break confidence—it's not making decisions that break confidence.

Making 10% of our daily decisions builds brain trust—this is the foundation of confidence.

Part Eight—Confidence Doesn't Grow in a Comfort Zone

Confidence is never built in a comfortable space. Growth happens only when there's a little nervousness. The comfort zone is a stagnant zone for the brain—no new learning, no confidence.

Discomfort doesn't mean a big risk—just a little discomfort with small choices.

Raising a point in class, providing perspective in a meeting, expressing an opinion—these small steps send the brain the message that you can handle it. This message gradually builds confidence.

Confidence is like a muscle—the muscle only grows when tension is applied.

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