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The Art of Dealing with People by Les Giblin Summary

Once a man tells his friend, I get angry with people very quickly. I feel that no one appreciates me. His friend just smiles and says, maybe you have not given us anything worth appreciating. Sometimes we think that people ignore us. They do not listen to us or do not give us the respect that we need. But have you ever thought that maybe we have not become the person with whom people want to connect naturally.

The real thing is that people behave with us the way they feel and not the way we think they deserve. How much you know someone is more important than how you make them feel. And this book The Art of Dealing with People teaches how we can make our thoughts and words so refined that people automatically get drawn towards us because in the end success is not just a matter of skill but it is a latent impulse.

Welcome to Kitaab Manzil, your own Hindi audio book channel to make people feel good. Let's move on to chapter one.

Chapter One — Treat every person the way he wants to be treated

Imagine you go to meet someone and he just smiles at you. No warmth, no interest. You feel like walking away. Don't you? Now think of another person. One who is genuinely happy to see you. Takes interest in what you have to say.

Makes you feel important. You would want to meet him again. That is the difference between a deal maker and a deal breaker. Les Gibna says you don't need a script or technique to connect with people. You just need to understand that every human being wants to feel valued. Every human being wants to be heard, understood and appreciated. But what do most people do? They talk but only about themselves. They listen but to reply, not to understand. If you change this habit and start making the other person feel that he is special, then you can open the door to any heart.

For example, talk to a shopkeeper. If you just ask for the goods, the transaction is over. But if you say one line, your shop is very clean. It was nice to come here, then his attitude will change. Now he will see you as a human being, not a customer. These are the small things that deepen your relationship. Les Giblin's first principle is to make every person feel that he matters and you can do this only when you are really interested.

Not just in the words of the person in front but in his feelings. This is not magic. It is just a subtle understanding of daily life which is not taught in school. Remember a simple formula. People remember only that which makes them feel and not that which explains to them. And this is the real beginning of the art of dealing with people.

Chapter Two — Every person needs a mirror

Have you ever noticed? When a person is in a crowd, his eyes repeatedly go to that side where he can get some feedback about himself. He tries to see. What are people thinking about me.

Actually every person sees himself in some mirror or the other and the biggest mirror is your behavior. If you ignore someone then he feels weak. If you praise someone then he starts feeling a strength within himself. Les Gibling says.

People become what they are treated with. Think of a small thing. If you repeatedly tell a child that you always make mistakes, then that child will really become like that. But if you tell him that you are smart, you can do it, then the same child will start trying. Now apply the same thing to adults as well. When you make someone feel through your words and tone that he is smart, capable, then he slowly starts becoming like that.

This is the reason why some people make very good relationships with others. Because they show them the way they want to see themselves. That is why if you want people to connect with you, then show them that version which makes them happy with themselves. Relationships run on feelings, not logic, and feelings are formed when you lift someone up gently instead of breaking their confidence. This is what Lesbians teach. Treat people the way they want to be treated. And then you make connections, not deals.

Chapter Three — People change with respect, not logic

Suppose you want to explain to someone that he is thinking wrong, then what will happen if you tell him in front of his face that you always think the opposite or your thinking is useless, now no matter how right you are saying, the other person will not listen to you because you have hurt his respect. Les Giblin says that people often react because they feel that their ego is hurt. Humans understand less with logic and more with respect.

If you want someone to listen to you, then first of all make him feel that you value him. For example, suppose a friend always comes late. Now you angrily tell him, can you never come on time? Then maybe he will listen but will be distant from inside. Now if you say, I know you friend, you are busy but if you come on time, it will be more fun. Now he feels that you are respecting him and also giving him points softly. This is the art of dealing with people.

You should say something while maintaining the dignity of the other person. Then it will be accepted and the relationship will not break. This does not mean that you should lie or speak with fear. It only means that if you want to change someone then first make him feel that he is not small in your eyes. Les Giblin says that one cannot lift someone up by bringing him down. So if you want change then start with respect.

Chapter Four — Even if the other person is wrong, let him say everything

Suppose you are talking to someone and he says something which according to you is completely wrong. Now what do most people do? They stop him in the middle — "No, no, this is wrong. You should listen. There is no logic in what you are saying." But Les Giblin says that if you want to build better relations with people, then first let them express themselves completely. People become most rude when they feel that no one is listening to them. Their being wrong is not such a big issue.

But not being heard hurts them the most. For example, your colleague is explaining you something about work. But you already know that that method is wrong. Now if you stop him immediately and say that this method is useless, it will not work, then he will immediately become defensive. But if you listen to him calmly for just 2 minutes, then after that you can say, "I understood what you are saying. One thing came to my mind, how will it be if we do it like this?"

Now see the difference — you listened to him, did not interrupt him, and also put forward your point. This is what it means to deal with people intelligently. Les Giblin says that every person has an invisible signboard on which it is written — Make me feel important — and the easiest way is to listen to him. By listening, you do not lose; rather the other person comes closer to you. So next time when you feel that someone is saying something wrong, just be quiet for a while and listen. Sometimes silence makes the loudest impact.

Chapter Five — If you want people to stay with you, make them feel good, not right

Often we feel that if we are right, the other person will automatically respect us. But Les Giblin says that humans connect with the heart, not the head. People like to be with the person who makes them feel important and good, not just the right things.

Imagine there are two people around you. One always catches your mistakes. The other is a little less knowledgeable, but every time he smiles and praises you. Who would you like to sit with? Most people are drawn to the person who makes them feel valued.

See an example — your friend told you something old and you said, "Hey, I already know this." He said something and you belittled it. Now, even if what you said was right, how did that friend feel? Whatever he shared, you destroyed its importance.

Les Giblin says that if you want love, respect, and cooperation from people, then make them feel that they are special and not make them feel that you know more than them. People remember your smile, respect, and attention — not your logic. So if you want people to stay genuinely connected with you, then listen to them, appreciate them, and give them some sense.

Giving respect is more powerful than knowledge.

Chapter Six — It doesn't matter what people think, it matters what they feel

Les Giblin says that people can forget your words, but the way you made them feel is always remembered. How perfectly you said something is less important than how the other person felt after listening to it.

Once a boy tells his boss, "I am working overtime, completing the work, but I am not getting appreciation." The boss replies, "We pay you salary, what else do you want?" Now the logic here may be right, but man is not a machine. That boy did not want to understand money, but his value.

Les Giblin says that people take decisions by feeling and not by thinking. If someone feels good with you, he will forgive your mistake. But if you make him feel inferior, then even your right thing may seem wrong. Therefore, just saying something is not enough in communication.

The way of saying, tone, and emotion play the biggest role. When you treat someone with respect, he automatically becomes soft towards you. So the next time you talk to someone, focus on the impact of that thing and not just the meaning — because a person connects with the heart, not the mind.

Chapter Seven — People open up when you listen

Imagine you are sharing your problem with someone and he is repeatedly interrupting you. He is telling you his experiences or giving you advice — which you do not need right now. How do you feel in such a situation? Loneliness, anger, or sadness because that person did not listen to you at all. He just continued speaking.

Now think — if someone listens calmly, absorbs what you say, doesn’t interrupt and just says, “I understand, keep speaking,” then don’t you feel a little lighter? Les Giblin says that people trust you only when they feel that you have understood them, and the first step to understanding is to listen deeply.

For example, if a friend is telling you about his office stress, then most people immediately say, “Hey, the same thing happened to me too,” but if you just stay calm and listen by nodding your head and looking into his eyes, then he will automatically come closer to you. Why? Because nowadays everyone is in a hurry to speak but very few people find someone to listen.

This principle of Les Giblin says that people open up when they feel that the other person is listening, not judging. And when someone opens up to you, then understand that you are building a connection that can be built with empathy and not money. Just remember — the next time someone says something, do not listen to reply, listen to understand.

Chapter Eight — Never start a conversation by criticizing, condemning or complaining

Imagine you start a conversation with someone with this line: “You always make mistakes” or “You never do anything right.” Now think how the person you are saying this to will feel. He will become defensive. He will stop listening to you or will start giving a negative answer.

Les Giblin says that if you want to correct someone, then never start it with criticism. People naturally try to save their respect. When you put them down, they start saving themselves, not understanding what you are saying.

For example, suppose your friend has completed some work late. If you say that “you are always late,” then the matter will get worse. But if you say, “When you do it on time, the work goes very smoothly,” then he himself will understand that this time the problem is due to delay — without fighting with you.

Les Giblin says that people improve when you uplift them and not when you embarrass them. So whenever you have to give any feedback to someone, say it in such a way that the other person feels his value and not his fault. It is a simple rule — if you want someone to grow, then first make them feel safe.

Chapter Nine — When it becomes necessary to handle someone’s ego

Sometimes a person loses even though he is right because he hurt the ego of the other person. Les Giblin says that people operate not by facts but by feelings. If you aggravate someone, interrupt him in public, or make him feel that he is weak, then he will not listen to you — even if you are right 100 times.

Think of an example — you tell your colleague, “Your report is wrong. You need to learn again.” Maybe you are right, but now he has made your statement an ego issue. He will try to save himself, not improve.

Now if you say the same thing like this — “Some points in this report may not be according to the management. Maybe we can make it better together.” So you said the thing and the other person also did not get hurt. Sometimes you do not have to look right, you just have to adopt the right method.

Les Giblin says that if you want people to listen to you, then first make them feel that they are safe. It means that their respect is intact and there is no attack on their identity. When you save someone’s ego, then he cooperates with you and does not compromise. Dealing with humans is not a game of logic — it is a matter of feeling, and if you understand this, you can turn every conflict into a connection.

Chapter Ten — When someone does not want to listen to you

Have you ever tried to talk to a person who answers everything with a “yes”? You say something and he immediately cuts you off. No matter how strong your argument is, he is not ready to listen. Talking to such people is tiring.

Les Giblin says that whenever you directly contradict someone, his mind shuts you down. Why? Because most people take disagreement as a personal attack. They feel that this person said my point is wrong — meaning he is calling me wrong.

Then no matter how good your intentions are while speaking. For example, imagine a friend says, “I believe that hard work is of no use these days.” Now you immediately say, “No, it is not like that. Hard work always pays off,” then the conversation will stop right there because you directly interrupted him. Now he is listening to you with ego, not with logic.

If you say the same thing like this — “I understand that this is how it feels these days. But what can happen is that some people still move forward with hard work” — you also expressed your disagreement but without confrontation.

Les Giblin says that instead of silencing people, it is better to make them think slowly. If you want to make someone understand, then first let him speak. Let him express himself completely. Then repeat what he says so that he feels that he has been heard properly. Only after that put your point — just like you are adding to his point, not interrupting.

The deepest craving of a human being is that someone should understand him. If you give that, then the other person starts considering you as his own. Les Giblin says that the real way of influence is that the other person should not feel resistance — it means that he should feel that he is in control. He should not feel that someone is trying to change him.

If you learn this art, then you can talk to anyone — without fighting, without shouting, without getting tired. Remember this simple formula: the art of listening is more powerful than speaking. People automatically start listening to the person who gives respect to others. And this is a powerful way of dealing with people, through which you can reach even stubborn, defensive, or agonized people and make them yours without force.

Chapter 11 — Make people feel that they are winning

There is a basic desire inside every human being. He wants to feel capable and successful.

Les Giblin says that if you want to connect well with people, then make them feel that they are achieving something. Now think, when someone listens to you or works with you and you just keep giving him instructions without recognizing his efforts, how will he feel? He will feel that I am just a tool. I have no importance.

For example, if a junior works hard as per your instructions and you say one line that this was not possible without you, then his entire energy changes. Now he will not just work but will work with ownership. Les Giblin says that people perform better in an environment where they feel that they are valued and are progressing. Therefore, learn to acknowledge even every small success when you make someone feel victorious.

He not only joins you but also tries to improve himself. This is the real way to take people along.

Chapter 12 — Do not let yourself fall down due to the criticism of others

When someone criticizes you, the first thing that breaks inside is your peace. But Les Giblin says that it is useless to be afraid or nervous of others' criticism. Because most people do not criticize after thinking but do so under the influence of their frustration, insecurity, or ego.

Sometimes people want to pull you down because they themselves are unable to move up. For example, think of some good work you did — gave a presentation in the office or helped a friend. Now if someone says that you do everything just to show off, does it mean that you are really showing off? No. But if you take that to heart, then you will slowly start doubting yourself. This is the most dangerous power of criticism. It breaks you from inside, not from outside.

Les Giblin says, you have to understand that every person has his own thinking, his own point of view and not every point of view is true. Sometimes people criticize just to feel superior. And if you start giving explanations on everything, start accepting every opinion, then you will lose your inner peace.

So what should you do? First of all, do not take every criticism personally. Do not connect every feedback, every comment to your value. Secondly, identify whether that criticism is talking about some genuine improvement or is just an attempt to bring you down. If it is right, then thank them and learn. If the matter is baseless, then smile and move on because you do not have to prove yourself every time.

Les Giblin says that what others think is their point of view, not your truth. Take criticism as a tool that sometimes corrects you. But most of the times, ignoring it is the best way. Because if you start picking up every stone and responding, you will never reach your destination.

Those who are truly your own, they talk to you not to bring you down but to support you. Everything else is noise. Recognizing this and remaining silent is the greatest strength.

Chapter 13 — Listening is the greatest communication

Many people think that speaking well is the greatest skill of communication. But the truth is that the most effective conversation happens where the other person is truly heard.

Les Giblin says that often people do not listen, they just remain silent until their turn to speak comes. They listen to reply, not to understand. And this mistake disconnects them from others.

For example, suppose a friend of yours is telling you about his difficult times. You interrupt him and say, "Hey, this happened to me too," and then you start your story. You paid attention. You did not listen. You just waited for your turn. Now imagine if you had said just this — "I can understand how difficult this time would be for you."

And then what difference would it have made if you had listened to him silently? That friend would probably always remember you as a person who felt for him.

Les Giblin says that every person wants to be heard completely without any interruption. Sometimes a person is able to understand the confusions of his own mind only when someone listens to him without judgment. Listening is not a passive act. It is an active effort where you leave behind your ego, your answers, your comparisons and just enter the other person's world completely. And no training is needed to do this.

There is only one thing to remember — every person's favorite subject is himself. If you give him space to talk about himself, then you instantly become trustworthy and valuable in his eyes. Les Giblin says that if you want people to remember what you say, then first let them say what they say. Because when you give attention, attention comes back automatically.

So the next time you talk to someone, listen before speaking because sometimes silence makes the loudest connection.

Chapter 14 — Stop trying to change people

Les Giblin says that if you want to build a good relationship with people, then first of all you have to stop trying to change them. Because as soon as you want to change someone, you are actually showing them that they are not okay the way they are right now.

Now think, if someone repeatedly explains to you that you should be like this and not like that, will you feel connected to him? No. Rather you will feel that he does not respect you.

For example, if you do not like the habits of a friend and you start talking about it every time, then that friend will start avoiding you. But if you appreciate him for his good aspects, then it is possible that he may want to improve himself gradually. This is human nature. People do what they want to do.

So the most effective way is to try to understand them rather than change them. When a person feels that he is getting acceptance, then he is ready to bring about a change in himself without any pressure.

Les Giblin's formula is simple — if you want a change in someone, then do not criticize, but increase the connection. Because when the relationship is strong, the effect happens automatically.

Chapter 15 — Before winning a person, win his trust

Often people think that winning someone means convincing him of your point of view. But the truth is that no person will listen to you until he trusts you. Les Giblin says that influence is not possible without trust. And trust is not built in a day. It is seen in small things.

For example, if you want help from someone and you talk to him only when needed, then that person will consider you as needy and not as trustworthy. But if you pay attention to him first, listen to him, take care of him, then when you say something, he will listen.

The easiest way to win someone's trust is to respect him, accept him without judging and maintain a connection with consistency. People very quickly understand who is just pretending and who really cares for them.

That is why if you want to influence someone, first make him feel that you trust him and are worthy of his trust. Without trust, even conversation becomes just noise. This is what Les Giblin says — first reach the heart, then the mind, and the way to reach the heart always goes through trust.

Chapter 16 — How to deal with angry people

It is not easy to talk to an angry person. He does not want to listen to you. He does not sit quietly. He is only entangled in his anger and pain. But Les Giblin says that if you confront an angry person more, his anger will increase.

And if you deal with an angry person with a little understanding and respect, then that person can later become your most loyal partner. Les Giblin says that anger is a signal that someone has not been heard or understood. So the next time someone is angry, do not try to explain to him — first understand him. This is the first and most effective art of dealing with angry people.

In such a situation, the first thing to do is to listen without interrupting or procrastinating. For example, if a colleague of yours gets angry in a meeting, then explaining or arguing too much will not help. But if you say, "I understand why you are angry. Let's sit and talk." Then the temperature of anger comes down a bit.

Why? Because somewhere inside every angry person there is a hunger for respect. Les Giblin says that when you make someone feel that you respect his feelings, only then that person is ready to listen to you. Keep one more thing in mind — a person does not listen to logic in anger. He only reacts. Therefore, your answers should also be in the tone so that they can neutralize the reaction of the other person.

Chapter 17 — When you become better in the eyes of others

When someone likes you, he listens to you more carefully. He trusts you more and is also ready to work with you. Les Giblin says that to become good in the eyes of people, you should not be perfect but just presentable in attitude, behavior and style.

For example, if you take the name of a client correctly while meeting him, do a little preparation, then the person in front feels that you are serious. People are impressed not just by your looks but by your approach. That is why polish yourself. It is not a pretense but a way of showing respect for others.

Chapter 18 — Taking compliments from others is an art

If someone praises you and you say, “Oh no, I did not do anything special,” then you also lighten the feelings of the other person. Les Giblin says that listening to compliments is also an art.

Example: If someone says that you gave a very good presentation, then just smile and say, “Thank you for listening carefully. It was very nice.” This will not only make your compliment look graceful but the other person will also feel good.

There are two people in every compliment — one is the giver and the other is the receiver. If you take compliments in the right way, then you respect people.

Chapter 19 — How to deal with a person who clashes with you

Some people clash on every issue — sometimes on ideas, sometimes on ego. Les Giblin says that instead of fighting with such people, it is better to neutralize them wisely.

Example: If someone is constantly interrupting you, then say, "Your point is interesting. Let us consider this as well." This will make the other person listen and instead of fighting, a conversation will begin. People who compete are not always enemies. They should just be heard and respected.

Chapter 20 — If you want to handle a person, first understand the person

People are not machines. They need to be understood not just with logic but also with emotions. Les Giblin says that it is important to feel before making a deal.

For example, if a teammate is repeatedly missing deadlines, then before scolding him, understand that he may be going through some personal stress. When you look at a person as a story and not a case, your approach changes and from there begins better communication and better relationships.

Conclusion — The one who connects with the heart wins the heart

The Art of Dealing with People is not a book of technique or strategy. It is a simple book that reminds us that every person can be understood — if we really want to understand.

Les Giblin teaches us how to connect with people, how to respect them and how to make a place in their hearts without showing off. Because in the end, people don't remember what you said — they remember how you made them feel.

So if you want to be a better communicator, a better person, then always remember one simple thing from this book — make every person feel special, so that you are always remembered.

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