Models by Mark Manson Book Summary

Have you ever thought how some men find girls easily while other guys, despite being nice, keep struggling? What exactly do all those good-looking women want in their partners? Do they want a bad guy who disrespects them, or are they looking for something else entirely? And the biggest question of all—how to make dating easier when most men don't understand how women think?

Whether you're struggling in your dating life or simply looking for a fresh perspective, Models by Mark Manson provides valuable insights for men of all ages. In this video, you will learn the key lessons from this book. The best part? The things discussed here are very practical, unlike most dating advice you find anywhere else. All right, so without further ado, let's dive right in.

Lesson number one: Don't be a needy, desperate man. Become a man of purpose and standards.

The biggest turn-off for women is when they see a desperate man doing them favors without knowing them first. We have all seen men who would throw compliments and buy drinks just to get some intimacy from a woman.

Seeking intimacy is a natural desire within all men, but chasing it desperately is not something to be proud of. There are so many things wrong when you get desperate for a woman.

First, you don't look attractive to the woman. If she doesn't find you attractive, the relationship won't work out in the long term anyway. You'll face a lot of problems.

Second, when you are desperate for a woman, it shows that you are low value. High-value men choose and vet women based on their values and see if the woman will be compatible with them or not in the long term. High-value men have some serious standards for themselves, which is attractive. They don't give their time to just any girl, and girls notice this quality in men.

Does this mean you have to act narcissistic all the time around girls? Not really. The author talks about how most dating advice tells you not to look needy and act like you are some top guy who doesn't care at all. Well, some narcissistic girls may find this attractive, but remember, like attracts like when it comes to dating in relationships.

Another problem is, sooner or later, your true self will be revealed. If you are pretending to be a narcissistic guy to attract girls, you will come across as fake. This can eventually end your relationship and waste a lot of time.

Moreover, narcissism is bad for everybody. Narcissists are individuals who primarily think about themselves. It is better to avoid relationships with such personalities as they lack empathy—well, unless you want to invite a lot of emotional pain.

Rather than pretending and acting as the dating gurus suggest, practice being authentic. This is a clever strategy. It's not just about being a nice person—authenticity ensures that you attract the right people in your life.

If you are a nerd, don't act like a player. Embrace your personality and improve it. Don't change your personality just to win the approval of a hot girl.

If she likes dogs but you don't, don't be afraid to tell her. If she likes to travel places but you prefer to sit in your home and read, don't be afraid to tell her. Ironically, being decisive will actually make you more attractive in her eyes, as she will see you as someone who knows what he wants.

The girl must not feel that you pedestalize her and will do anything for her. She must know that you are willing to walk away anytime if the standards or values are not met and respected. The author says, love yourself, otherwise no one else will.

Lesson number two: Don't be afraid to share your flaws and deep emotions with the woman you truly love.

Society teaches men not to express their emotions, so they all act tough even when they are beaten inside by the harsh reality of life. The idea that you will be perceived as weak if you show your true emotion isn't always right. In fact, it sometimes shows that you're strong enough to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is attractive. But yes, if you go around telling boring sad stories all the time, nobody will find you attractive. It's more about whether you are being genuine or not. If you are a needy man and you're playing vulnerable, girls will sense it.

In fact, the author says trying to trick women using these fancy tactics is narcissistic and does more harm to the relationships than good.

Then what is vulnerability exactly? Vulnerability is about having the courage to accept your flaws and not hide them from other people. It's about becoming non-needy in front of girls or anyone in general.

If you do this right, you'll portray qualities like courage, maturity, etc. Girls always find men with these qualities attractive. Successful men often have these qualities as most successful people already have what they want. They don't act needy in front of other people.

It's true that not all successful people show vulnerability, but the real successful people don't shy away from addressing their flaws in the public. Once you have become comfortable with your flaws, you'll find it easier to express who you are. Usually, these are the people who aren't afraid of rejection.

With women, men fear rejection from women because they worry too much about women's opinions of them, which doesn't really help. The more you care about others' opinion, the more you fear and the more desperate you become.

Lesson number three: pickup lines might help you get girls, but they don't help much in the long-term relationships. Many people think that using a clever or witty pickup line is a good way to start a conversation with someone they are interested in.

However, research shows that pickup lines are often ineffective and can even backfire in dating situations. Here are some reasons why pickup lines don't work in dating:

Pickup lines are impersonal and generic. They also make you seem like you use the same line on everyone, which can be a turn-off for potential partners. Pickup lines are superficial and shallow. They usually focus on physical appearance, which can be inappropriate for some people.

They also don't reveal anything about your personality, values, or goals, which are more important factors for building a connection with someone.

Instead of using pickup lines, try to start a conversation with something more genuine and relevant. For example, you can comment on something you noticed in their profile, ask them an open-ended question, or share something about yourself that relates to their interests.

This way, you can show that you are interested in them as a person, not just as an object of attraction. Women usually think with their emotions.

Even the best pickup lines in the world won't sway a woman if she doesn't see you as an attractive man who can provide her with a good time. The author says that it's much better if you become attractive for real by working on yourself instead of learning pickup lines that don't help much in the long term.

Think about it—for how long will you keep acting? If she likes you, then she has to like the real you. What's the point if she likes your fake version instead of the real one?

Learning pickup lines and tricking girls just for short-term fun is a bad strategy, no matter how smart it sounds. This approach is typically favored by people with short-term thinking.

Lesson number four: Intentions matter more than words, especially for women.

You might be thinking that if pickup lines aren't the answer, then what option does a man have? What should men say to women to win them over?

Well, instead of thinking what line to say and what to do, you have to speak with authenticity and honesty. If she doesn't like it, then don't bother. Find another one who likes what you say. It's really that simple.

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who wouldn't understand or accept your honest words and intentions?

Furthermore, women can sense your intentions. For example, if you are complimenting her just to win her over, she will sense that you don't really appreciate her but are using compliments to achieve your selfish goals.

Moreover, beautiful women are used to getting compliments, so they know when the compliment is genuine and when it's not. When you try too hard with your words, it only tells women that you have nothing else to show off.

Just think about it—women find successful people like athletes, businessmen, etc., very attractive. Those guys won't waste their time thinking about what lines to say to a woman. If a man of high status is romantically interested in a woman, he will simply express his interest through words.

That's the real thing—become a high-value man so that you don't have to play silly mind games with women.

Lesson number five: Never over-invest in women who are just beautiful and lack depth in their character.

If you go to a party or club where many girls gather, you will get a chance to meet a lot of them. There's no shortage of beautiful girls on the planet. But if you're smart, you'll only talk to women who have depth in their character.

If there is a super-hot girl in front of you but she doesn't know how to respect people, you're better off without her. It's as simple as that.

Sims tend to over-invest in beautiful women and end up being either friend-zoned or ignored. Girls don't like guys who don't have the courage to express their intentions.

Nice guys think that if they become best friends of the girl they like and help her a lot, she will someday come to the realization that she loves them. But that doesn't happen in real life—or it rarely does.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't ever be friends with any girl. Just don't delude yourself hoping that someday she will wake up to a new reality. Either she's into you or she's not.

Don't keep texting her if she doesn't bother to reply to you. Use that same time to build yourself up. Invest that time in yourself.

Never expect that beautiful girl to change her mind because she has so many options available to her all the time. She already has so many guys texting her and validating her.

Remember, girls are also human beings. It's normal for them to get nervous and make bad decisions. That's why you often see so many beautiful women with wrong guys.

Also, there are guys who only get into relationships because it looks cool. It's not cool to seek validation and superficial attention of a beautiful woman just to improve your status.

Smart men focus on things that matter more than money and looks. Although they are important initially to grab attention, they aren't everything.

When we talk about relationships, relationships are hard work. Not all women will be compatible with you. If you get into a relationship with an incompatible woman, you're preparing yourself for an emotional disaster.

It's nice to meet women and talk to them, but before you think about relationships, always ask: Is she compatible with me? Does she show any receptivity, or am I the only one putting effort into this relationship?

If the attraction is only one-sided, you're probably wasting your time trying to get the attention of a woman who doesn't feel the same way about you. Most people who make this mistake have a scarcity mindset. They think that if they don't get that particular woman, they won't find anyone else.

They commit the sunk cost fallacy and over-invest their time, energy, and money in one woman without thinking first. So be a man. If she doesn't like you or rejects you, tell her it was nice to meet you and move on.

Lesson number six: Demographics play a huge role in how you are perceived and the kind of women you attract.

Once you understand this term, your dating life and how you think about women will change. Demographic information includes things like age, race, ethnicity, gender, marital status, income, education, employment, etc.

Probably all your past failures happened because most men in general don't understand demographics very well. They approach girls who have a different demographic than them. It's all right to do so, but it significantly reduces the attraction and creates friction.

The simple rule is: if she doesn't connect with you and doesn't see any compatibility, the relationship will not work. A desperate man would welcome any woman in his life, but he will keep struggling as he doesn't understand these basic principles.

The key principle is like attracts like. The author recommends that you choose a woman where there is less friction. Less friction means that you both share similar views and have similar demographics. When there is less friction, things become much easier and less effort is involved.

If you shine in your demographics, then you naturally become super attractive. You'll notice that such a woman will be more receptive to your actions. For example, if you touch her, she'll lean closer to you instead of pulling away.

The author suggests that you first become the coolest person in your favorite demographic and dominate it. Your perceived value will increase dramatically.

That way, the author says, all girls are looking for that attractive man whom they can look up to and respect. But kindly note that attraction is subjective and depends on the context and situation.

A nerdy guy wearing glasses with messy hair might look attractive to a girl who values education and intelligence, but the same nerd will be uncool to a girl who doesn't value education and enjoys partying at late-night clubs.

Having similar demographics works in your favor. That's why it's essential to conduct self-analysis before you start dating girls.

Find some time to think about what your interests are and what kind of woman you want in your life. Then think about where such a woman will likely be hanging out.

Remember, these are not games. You're simply increasing the likelihood of finding the right person. Choosing the correct demographics is crucial.

Lesson number seven: No matter how many women you practice with, you will still experience fear every time.

Fear is an unsettling emotion. A lot of men fear getting rejected, and even when they are in relationships, they have so many unprocessed fears.

Some fear that their first kiss will be terrible. Some fear that their girlfriend will leave them, and that they won't find any other girl after that. A lot of men fear wasting their time and money—What if she decides to leave for some silly reason?

The author talks about how he has practiced with a lot of women. He has met so many of them and done things, but he realized that no matter how many girls he met and no matter how much he practiced talking to women, fear of rejection or some other kind of fear was always there.

The thing is, fear never goes away. It's going to be there in your head. Hopefully, the more you get good at your game and understanding your mind, the more comfortable you get at dealing with those scary thoughts.

You have to basically master communication—with yourself and with the woman you are interested in. The author talks about how a failure to communicate can end any potential relationship, no matter how promising it seemed at first.

Imagine a situation where both the man and the woman are interested in each other but are not communicating their thoughts clearly. Now imagine another situation where the man or the woman is lost in their own thoughts and doesn’t even know what they want in a relationship.

This shows that you don’t just need to master communication with the opposite gender—you also need to master how you communicate with yourself in your own mind. Both are extremely important for any relationship to blossom.

It’s also worth mentioning that communication can take different forms. You have to communicate both verbally and physically—with consent. The author explains how most men don’t show the courage to communicate physically through touch and fail to build any romantic tension.

Many are afraid of rejection. They imagine all kinds of bad scenarios the moment they think about making a move. A lot of this comes from limiting beliefs and bad conditioning.

They assume that women don’t enjoy physical closeness, but the truth is—they do, as long as it’s with someone they genuinely desire and find attractive. Of course, other factors can play a role, but they matter far less when desire is strong.

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