Inner Bonding By Margaret Paul Book Summary
When we were young, we were taught a lot of things like how to tie shoelaces, how to be polite in school, how to talk to elders, and how to study, but one thing that we were never taught was to love ourselves. Neither was it written in any school book nor did any elder tell us that son, it is also important to take care of yourself. Today, when we have grown up, we have a good job,
we have money in life, status, yet have you ever felt an emptiness somewhere inside the heart? Despite having everything, sadness remains. We get angry at things but do not understand why. It feels as if there is someone inside who wants to listen. The one who is not understood is none other than your own inner child.
That innocent child who is still inside you. Yes, hello friends, welcome to Book in Short. I am your friend Harsh and today I have brought for you Margaret Pole's book Inner Bonding which shows you the way to return to that same forgotten child.
Where you learn that that child no longer needs love from anyone else, now you can become his parent. This summary will teach you how We are still carrying the wounds of childhood within us
How can those wounds be healed with love now and how can we connect with ourselves through inner bonding and feel complete again? So if you ever feel broken, lonely or incomplete inside yourself, then this summary is for you
Because before someone else comes, we have to return to ourselves. Now let's take this beautiful and emotional journey forward. Tom has everything, a good job, a good salary, everything that if a person looks from outside, he would say what a life it is, but from inside he is broken.
Everything seems incomplete to him, whatever he achieves, his mind says friend, this is also not enough and when we are unable to understand our feelings, they turn into anger. Tom also started getting angry on every matter, he would shout at his employees, the matter increased so much that the CEO of the company had to say either take therapy or leave the job and this is where they meet.
On seeing Margaret Paul, Margaret says one thing to him, Tom, you have to learn to take care of yourself, not others. Tom They are surprised because nobody had ever taught them this. In childhood, he always remained a shield for others. While trying to save his mother and sister from an alcoholic father, Tom called himself and this is the condition of many people.
We never made ourselves a priority. Sometimes for the family, sometimes for the society, sometimes for the relationship, we always kept saving someone else, but the child inside us remained alone, scared and ignored. Now you must be thinking who is this inner child?
It is that part of you which is sensitive, which gets hurt easily, which is scared, which hopes, which perhaps did not get the love in childhood which it desperately needed and today when you have grown up, you have silenced the voice of that child. Inner bonding is to listen to that voice again.
It is the process by which you become a wise adult and connect with your inner child, give him love, acknowledge his feelings and tell him that now I am there for you, now I will never leave you alone. If you have ever felt lonely without any reason in any relationship, If you have found yourself empty or disconnected from yourself, then Inner Bonding is your story because healing does not come from outside, it begins by joining the broken parts inside.
Now let's move towards that part where the real healing starts where we don't ask what should be done but ask how am I feeling from inside. We are all divided into two parts, one which is visible to the world, strong, logical, responsible and the other which remains hidden.
Emotional, scared, lonely. That inner child of yours feels, and your inner adult decides. But when these two don't talk to each other, then a fight starts inside. Think like Tom who is performing like a CEO in the office but is a child from inside.
Who cries silently every day. Why because that child is never heard. And this is the condition of all of us. We keep running behind meetings, bills, relationships, careers and the time that should have been given to our feelings, we haven't given it to anyone, not even to ourselves. Inner bonding process is the way
which takes us back from our pretentious version to the real self. There is no rule book here. It is a calm, loving relationship between your inner child and your sensible adult. So this How does the process begin? Margaret Paul says:
It starts with five simple but honest steps: Step One: Learn to feel when you overeat, when your heart is heavy, when you miss something, don't cut yourself off. Feel it. Your body gives signals.
Like tightness in your chest, tiredness in your legs, lightheadedness. It's your inner child trying to say something. Listen to it. Step Two: Respond like a loving adult. Don't say, you shouldn't feel this way. Rather, say, I understand why you're sad. Let's sit down and talk.
Your inner child is not an enemy. All it needs is someone to take it seriously. Step Three: Talk to your inner child. Yes, talk to it like you would an innocent child. Ask it why it's feeling this way. Listen to its answers.
The answer may come from within, or as an emotion, or just a memory. Whatever it is, don't suppress that voice. Step Four: Ask a Higher Power for guidance. You may call it God, the Universe, your soul, or just a quiet place. The question is what do I need to learn? What is the truth behind this pain?
What does my inner child need? The answers will not be found immediately, but if you wait and calm, they will slowly come on their own. Step Five Take a loving action Promise yourself that I will not leave you Do something that makes your inner child feel safe, maybe talking to someone, forgiving yourself a little, or handling an old memory Healing is incomplete without action Inner bonding is not a therapy session. It is a daily conversation with yourself about the broken parts within you When you follow these five steps,
You fill yourself with that love, kindness and understanding that you may have never received from outside. Now we have come to the part which is the most beautiful and most important part of this whole journey, where you learn to love yourself like a parent, not someone else. When do you think love is necessary?
When you are small, innocent, or when you grow up and then learn to handle yourself. The truth is that the need for love never ends and those who did not get it in childhood, they keep on loving you throughout their life. We keep looking for it somewhere in relationships, in people's praise, in others' validation, but what we cannot find is unconditional love for ourselves. Margaret Paul introduces us to a very beautiful concept.
Reparenting means awakening that mother or father inside you who was not with you in childhood. Some people have a Jain childhood where every emotion was heard and understood, where the child learnt that he is lovable the way he is and some people are like Duke.
Those who were brought up with taunts, rebukes or indifference instead of love, who were made to believe in childhood that you are worthy of love only if you are perfect and people like Duke get broken when they grow up, but Margaret says that it is not too late yet, you can still become that for yourself.
What no one else could ever become, reparenting begins with stopping blaming your parents, your childhood and even yourself because the first step of healing is that now I take responsibility for taking care of myself, for my love, for my inner child, but this is not easy, sometimes we do not even love our inner child because since childhood we were taught that love is something to be earned.
If the marks are good, you will get love, if you obey, you will be hugged, but real love is unconditional in reparenting. We learn to say to ourselves, I love you, no matter how you are. Suppose there is a little girl inside you
The one whom no one has understood for years, remains silent, keeps a distance, does not trust. Will you get angry at her or will you slowly win her trust with love? Reparenting is giving that child a safe space, hugging her, not scolding her, not laughing at her pain, sitting together and listening to her, says Margaret
When you give unconditional love to the child inside you, that child does not remain silent, it starts blossoming, the innocence inside you returns, you start feeling complete again
And then you do not break down if you get less love from someone else because you have established that relationship with yourself which was incomplete till now. Now you move towards that part which touches the hearts of those people who are alone or who have everything but still there is a feeling of emptiness somewhere inside.
Loneliness is such a word that many people get scared on hearing it because we have not learned how to love ourselves even when we are alone. We have not accepted this. We thought that only someone else can complete us
Some partner, some friend, some relationship, but what if you come to know that you can complete yourself too? Butt's story is also something like this. After 34 years of marriage, his wife Dorethy left him because she was tired of fulfilling Butt's every need and feeding him.
Dorethy had lost herself while living for him and Butt had become so dependent on Dorethy that it seemed as if the remote of his life was in someone else's hand.
When Dorethy left, Butt was broken from inside but then one day he read the Inner Bonding book by Migraine Pole and from there began his real journey towards himself. He took therapy, explored his feelings and for the first time he met that child inside him who believed since childhood that he could not do anything alone. Butt learned that he can love himself.
He can understand his needs himself and most importantly he is complete even alone, not incomplete. He joined support groups, made new friends, focused on his body and business and gradually he became a human being. Who needed himself and not anyone else. Being alone is not a weakness, it is an opportunity.
Margaret says to befriend oneself. Instead of being afraid of loneliness, ask yourself what does the child inside me need right now? Maybe someone to talk to, a lover or just a person who says I am there for you. Loneliness always scares when we fight it.
But when you connect yourself with inner bonding, then loneliness also becomes a silent companion. And now that part has come where we sum up this whole journey with a conclusion, a feeling, a promise and a new beginning. When you were young, you learned to walk, speak, eat, adapt to the world, but did anyone teach you how to love yourself?
No, because at that time loving yourself did not seem like a need of people, it seemed selfish, but the truth is that there is never as much loneliness in the world today as there is before. There are so many people who have everything, money, relationships, lifestyle, but still the heart feels empty from inside.
Why because they have never talked to that innocent broken child inside them. Inner bonding tells us that healing does not come from outside. It comes when we go inside ourselves and meet that child who is still waiting.
For once, someone comes who listens to me, accepts me, loves me unconditionally. Now that someone is not someone else, you can be yourself. From this entire book, we have learned four most important things. Self-love was not taught to us, but now we can learn it.
And this love creates real self-value. Secondly, inner bonding is the way in which you connect with your inner child, listen to him, accept him. It has five steps.
Feeling, responding with love, talking, seeking higher guidance and finally taking action and the fourth and most important reparenting i.e. becoming the person for yourself that you never met in your childhood. This book by Margaret Paul is not just therapy, it is a new beginning where you stop expecting love from others and start building a relationship with yourself that will stay with you for life.
So if today you are feeling disconnected from yourself, if you feel that no one is listening from within, then just stop, close your eyes and tell your inner child that I am here, I am listening, from now on I will take care of you every day. This is inner bonding. This is the relationship that should be the deepest between you and yourself. So how do you deal with your inner child, do tell in the comment box.
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